lonely...

www.naim-istephanous.memory-of.com

yea. its sad

i'm getting tired of skating

friday the 13th .... my inspiration

rough and unedited..but here we go!!

Know

I know you
you were once
my hero

i know you
you were once
my shelter

i know you
you were once
my passion
(my desire)

I know you
you were once
the arms that held me close
never letting me go

I know you
you were once
my light

my warmth

my smile

my everything

I know you
you were once
a part of me

i know you
WE were once
inseperable

I know you
we were once
smiling together

I know you
you keep
haunting my dreams

I see you there
at the end of the maze

I know you
I love you with
every fiber of my being
down to my last breath

I will say
I know you
But do you know me

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Name

What, by that,
is in a name

Is a name your
identity, or does
it define who
you are

Or is it nothing,
just sound to fill
an empty void of
loneliness, our own
yearning

learning towards
something...more

Is a name a
word used to call
to call out for
loved ones

Maybe that is why
I know no names
I once was loved
But he left me

I did know names
but not anymore
I do have a name
but no one calls it out

It is a name
lost forever
there it floats
in the sea of
my unhappiness
waiting to be pulled
to shore

but no one is here
no one is there
i am utterly
....
ALONE

In the silence
of my own
tears

Just me

And I

Without

A name


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Your smile
It haunts me

You were once
a part of me

we were once
something

i love you
i always have

no matter how many times
you hurt me,
you let me fall,
you kill make me cry

i can't turn my
eyes away from your face
from your piercing eyes

you sit there
looking away
acting like i
don't exist

and maybe i don't

do i?

cesspool ....ha.

i am drowning in a cesspool (thank you zosha in history class). i am so friggin tired of all this.... i don't know if tis stress or just bad karma....but everything that could possibly good wrong decides it wants to go wrong now. like the fact that i have finals, the same week i have my last figure skating competition of the season and now i have to do the whole...practice until you can't feel your legs thing! (im too tired to say thats what she said) and i am just so overwhelmed. i have to wonder what happens if i end up doing really well on all of these things....or if i don't its kinda weird to think of what will happen...

yup... but if all goes wrong.... That will be me ---------------------->

party.
(without my head of course)

oh well. hopefully it will be done soon. so i can just get this over with and like just relax for awhile whilst on a cruise with my boys...tarek and nabeal (very close family friends since before i was born...i am the oldest and tarek is like six months younger than me...and nabeal is my sisters age). we usually do everything together over spring break. its usually fun...although i do miss their mom. she was recently taken away from us due to that damn stomach cancer....
i guess that is also why we are so close. ah well.

well...at least im doing skatin a lot this week...which is nice...ish. niceish. ha.

and now i must end with one of my favorite songs:

All my friends say that of course it's gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better better better better

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost
In the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All of this music
And it breaks my heart
And It breaks my heart

I hear in my mind
All of these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All of this music
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And It Breaks my Heart
When it Breaks my heart


i love regina.

eh

i am really tired.

and i feel like life is just a big ball of poop. but a friend of mine gave me some good advice that maybe i'll take to heart one day:

whenever the world seems to be a big ball of poop, remember, youre not the only one out there who realizes that youre standing in shit. find the people who are there with you, and keep them close.

this is true. i mean whenever you are standing in a big ball of crap you always want to have your best friend there so that you two can stand in crap together.....and get through it together.....

isn't it crazy that even know you know that there are ramifications you still say what your thinking....you say whatever is on your mind whenever you do. its pretty crazy, is it not?

don't you wish that life was just one big movie....and that when you messed up...somebody would just yell "CUT" and give you a redo...and some notes on how to do better in life....but life isn't like that at all, is it? one slip and you are down for the count. forget about the 1,2,3 , you are just done for. haha

i wish that life was like a tv show ....i would be different, my friends would be different, and i would have fun every day....and not just when recording smart music ;). (thank you j).....

i'd be like a rainbow haha!
so i'd like to thank my "friend"....but i'm giving everybody space. hehe it is sooo stressful and there are our first round of finals coming up and none of us have any idea what they would be like.....

so i will give y'all space.....

hehe
space.
spacers
space
i love words....they are so funn!!!
catchya later....

dang it didn't work....


here is the picture

hmm....interesting

i love this picture....
its ironic.
i love irony.

its life. haha

really listening

so lately i've been into a lot of indie rock / some "slower" pop songs and actually listening to the lyrics and the underlying meanings. such as one of my favorites, sophie hawkins, as i lay me down. i love the lyrics and i carry it with me everywhere. 

It felt like spring time on this February morning

In a courtyard birds were singing your praise

I'm still recalling things you said to make me feel alright

I carried them with me today

Now

As I lay me down to sleep

This I pray

That you will hold me dear

Though I'm far away

I'll whisper your name into the sky

And I will wake up happy

I wonder why I feel so high

Though I am not above the sorrow

Heavy hearted

Till you call my name

And it sounds like church bells

Or the whistle of a train

On a summer evening

I'll run to meet you

Barefoot, barely breathing

As I lay me down to sleep

This I pray

That you will hold me dear

Though I'm far away

I'll whisper your name into the sky

And I will wake up happy

Oh, darlin'

As I lay me down to sleep

Ooh La Kah Koh

This I pray

That you will hold me dear

Though I'm far away

I'll whisper your name into the sky

And I will wake up happy

It's not too near for me

Like a flower I need the rain

Though it's not clear to me

Every season has it's change

And I will see you

When the sun comes out again

As I lay me down to sleep

This I pray

That you will hold me dear

Though I'm far away

I'll whisper your name into the sky

And I will wake up happy

(Repeat twice)

I wonder why... 

When the sun comes out again... 

I will wake up happy... 

This I pray...

they just.....idk speak to me....ever had one of those songs where it is like YOUR song! or whn you have a song that is perfect for somebody else but you are too scared to tell them..... i think that music is such a huge part of our lives, even if you are one of the most un-musical person on the face of the earth. the rhythm of your heart beating stead (hopefully) and pulse of your blood flowing through your body....it just

its a way of life

whether it is show tunes or pop or heavey metal.

music can express yourself in the way that you can't even imagine.

it can say what you can't and when you are at a completely loss of what to do it can guide you.....

i know. corny.

but i just.....

as stupid as this is i know every single person does have a song...somewhere .

it captures the true essence and what you truly are....

oui, la musique, c'est ma monde. (wow that sucked)

worried

have you ever had that feeling of dread over your head? like something horrible is going to happen and you know it? then all of a sudden, everything comes crashing down on you and the worst possible things come at the most inopportune times? or when everything just seems like the world hates you. 

Makes you think about yourself. and life. and what's really going on. makes you want to change and actually get off your lazy butt and do something about it!

 i wonder.....

have you ever had any instances like this?

 

backgrounds`

hmm
which one should i use?
haha

yup.
this is how much i don't have a life! :D

i have more!!!

haha didn't mean to post that just yet

here are some other quotes to entertain the mind

"If things start happening, don't worry, don't stew, just go right along and you'll start happening too."
— Dr. Seuss
"So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains."
— Dr. Seuss (Oh, the Places You'll Go!)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

Here are some of the most amazing quote I have ever heard

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/list?sort=random

There are a couple pages of quotes and I love Maya Angelou

It is so inspirational to think that everything is said with different meanings but they can apply too so many different situations

dr. seuss and others

dr. seuss.
that man is brilliant
i mean cat, hat, come on
the guy is a genius

haha

although i doubt he said some of these things, here are some of my favorites, along with a bunch of other ones

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.”
“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!”
“I meant what I said and I said what I meant.”
“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells."
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..."
"A person's a person, no matter how small." DARN RIGHT WE ARE!!!!!!
"Being crazy isn't enough."

mon emir

hm. i like that word. emir
or i could say mon amour
they sound the same to me but they have completely different meanings
drives me crazy!!!

i can't decide which one i would rather have be in my life
mon amour or mon emir
of course emir isn't french. duh
but it sounds french
j'adore francais.
c'est ma vie
je me suis tres triste par- ce que il n y a personne qui comprenne moi.
c'est tres tragique.

au revoir
off to live another pointless day!!!

yea obama!
yes we can.

revelation

i have figured it out.
why some of my friends are my friends.

they pity me.
they feel bad for everything that i have been through and they want to make up for it
by making me happy or whatever it is they want to do

probably about 2/3 of my friends don't actually know what happened to me
and i don't want them to know because i don't want them to pity me
i don't want them to feel sorry for me
i want to be the strong independent women my dad always wanted me to be.

Be not afraid of greatness: Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them

that's who i want my friends to see me as. and half the time, it feels like they don't
only two people know how i really feel half the time
ms piggy and mon emir
but guess what
mon emir yells at me at tells me that life will go on and i have to move on
suck it up and be a man and go rub some dirt on it
thanks just really
thanks because thats what i want

and ms piggy is auditioning left and right getting herself into all sorts of things.
somedays i feel less important and useless
and some days i feel like everything that i know, or is my life eroding. eroding beneath me!!! eroding eroding!!!

yea life sucks
and then you die
or.....
never mind

lets leave this on a happy note.
just kidding.
that was a very dark rant and now i feel like shiiiiiiiiiiiz
it will be a less happy note, but one that is not as dark

i guesss.....
well whatever

go obama

inside my head

hm. boring. when my life starts to slow down something tragic happens and i don't know what to do.
i wonder if faces could actually melt off.
if somebody dropped a bomb at the farthest point away from me in minnesota, would i still blow up?

this is what i think about

this and what would happen if i decided to let myself actually be myself in front of people and like
not decide to be a crazy person that i hate

fixed

i fixed it
or at least......
i hope i did
haha


i got a bat mitsvah to go to today
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
haha

i wish hopelessly until the day i die

i hate this quarter

this quarter SUCKS!!
I have so many subjects that I fail at. I need help in every single one of them.
i will definetly be stressed this quarter and i will freak out and i will act like i hate you
and i am some crazed teen. but hey
I AM!
haha
thanks for stickin with me
I love you all more than you shall ever know.
<3

hola. this is going to be my online journal in which i use my favorite characters
from other places. hence the title
haha this will be fun. and confusing.
and probably lame. but oh well. tis life
i'll write when i can :/ . May not be very often

Anywayz.
Wow life can suck some days. Ms. piggy is goin through a rough time in which she wants to kill me and the rest of the muppets. don't try to console her because she will karate chop you. it hurts. words aren't the only weapons!!!
Me and the rest of the muppets are of course, are going through the crazy routine of our show we call "High School".
exciting, no?
hilda is quiet as usual, although don't let her go crazy or she is lots of fun.
our gopher scooter, is very energetic. she likes to be friends with everybody. haha
and of course, we have gonzo. Who right now, has a mad repore with me. (i'm positive this character will be formally know as gonzo pretty soon)

So life goes on
Everyday
no matter how hard we try to win
somedays you just have to lose

~“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” Ralph Waldo Emerson~

Let me see...

hm. bored.
welcome to my world.
Shall I say my life.
Tis the crazy world of fairy tails in which I think I live in.
Ha.
I wish
Which I shouldn't do.
Everyone knows wishing gets you no where. Or at least they should know
Well
this is turning into a pointless ramble. Ha. I think I will go now.
And post later!
Bye